Hello again and welcome to part 2 of Finding My Faith. I hope you enjoyed reading part one where I highlighted what I believe are some truths about our society and people, fallen in nature as we are.
Today I want to go back to before I was ‘saved’ and tell you some of the steps that led me to where I am today. So, let's begin.
Once upon a time, some years back, I started questioning life. I started examining my personal life and the life around me, society, the government etc.
We all have defining moments in our lives and times and events that we remember more than others. Like each and every one of us I have experienced many events in my life and there have been many such events which have led me to question my life and to finding my faith. Three such events or instances come to mind and I will call them “The 3 Seeds”.
Seed No.1 - Shaving
Ok, why would shaving make me examine my life and society? Well, hear me out and it might surprise you.
In my younger years I suffered from Eczema, mainly on my hands and if you know anything about eczema, it’s that it can be very itchy and you are not supposed to scratch it. Well, sometime after puberty I started shaving and eventually I started to get rashes on my neck, and then really bad eczema.
Trying to find a solution, I visited the doctor and was prescribed steroid creams and then other medications, but nothing worked. As a lad in my late teens, having a neck covered in eczema didn’t look good nor did it help my self confidence nor my work and social life.
A shocking reason and a solution to my eczema.
One day, a leaflet was dropped through my letterbox, inviting me to request a free cassette tape (showing my age now lol). One was called “Dead Doctors Don’t Lie” and the second, surprisingly, I can’t recall the title as it was the one that provided the solution. It taught me about Sodium Laureth Sulphate (SLS) and Propylene Glycol. This information was well before its time and at the dawn of the internet.
I listened to both tapes and realised that what I was putting on my skin was causing the problem; nasty harmful chemicals.
I contacted the person who sent me the tapes and ordered some ‘alternative’ products, free from such nasty ingredients. Over a few months, my eczema cleared up and I never went back to using my old personal care products.
The first seed, the seed of distrust.
So, why did this lead me to question society? Well, I asked myself, why would the government and NGOs allow companies to put such harmful and even potentially cancer causing ingredients in everyday personal care products like shampoo and toothpastes? Not only were these in products for adults, but for babies and children also.
This didn’t sit right with me and the first seed was planted, one of distrust of government and NGOs. However, I didn’t become a full blown activist or champion of the cause but I did tell my nearest and dearest about these nasty chemicals and safer alternatives, along with work colleagues; those who I thought would listen.
Seed No.2 - College
I left school when I was 16 and started work straight away. Around 7-8 years later I attended my local college to do what was called an “Access Course”, so I could gain some qualifications that would allow me to apply (gain access) to a university where I could study Zoology.
The course wasn’t classed as full time or part time, it was somewhere in between. Within the course I studied English, Math, Social Sciences, Psychology, and a few other subjects which were of higher grade than which I studied at school.
While studying I was working in a local bar but found that I needed the time to focus on studying, so I made an appointment with Social Security to try to get some financial support which would allow me to stop working at the bar.
I applied but was refused. I was told that the course I was taking was not full time and I was not eligible. However they were “kind” enough to provide me with a booklet explaining why I didn’t qualify.
Rather than throw away the booklet, I kept it to read. To my shock, in the end section of the booklet it informed me that if anyone from any country outside of the UK came to study and the course contained an English Language section, they could qualify for social security, regardless if the course was full or part time.
Well, I was shocked and really angry; for 8 years I had paid into the “system”, paying my income tax and national insurance and never once before sought financial help, not even job seekers allowance.
So, Seed No.2 was planted; a seed of disappointment in government (& politics) and the lack of loyalty to its “citizens”.
Seed No.3. Trouble with the law.
After a night out drinking and having an argument with my ex, I had a difference of opinion with a taxi driver. The altercation was nothing major, I didn’t attack the taxi driver or anything but I was being abusive which ended up with me being arrested and placed in a cell for the night, mainly to sober up..
This incident made me question myself, how I was behaving, why I was behaving this way; I mean, until this point in time I had been a “model citizen”.
On my walk home after being released I felt angry.; not angry with others but angry with myself. I also felt regret and shame, that I had let myself down and that others would find out what had happened. Yep, I was truly ashamed of myself.
Why did I act in such a way?
What happened made me reflect on my life and I realsied that I was living a life that was making me sad, angry and even somewhat depressed. It wasn’t just to do with my ex, but everything around me; a bit of this, a bit of that; small things that when added together made me become unhappier as time went on, which then led me to act out of character and eventually being arrested. I definitely had to address some big issues in my life. Seed No.3 was planted, a seed of shame, sadness and self reflection; leading me to question myself, my values and my life direction.
Conclusion of Part 2.
Over the course of up to 10 years these 3 seeds were firmly planted in me; seeds that caused discontent, distrust, disappointment, guilt and shame. These seeds would steadily grow, but into what I didn’t yet know.
If you have read this far, I want to again thank you, and ask you to stay with me to see how I get from this point to becoming a Conspiracy Theorist and beyond, to ‘Finding my Faith’. Here, again, I could have gone far more into depth but I hope that what I have shared with you lets you see the steps that lead me to where I am today.
Changes to this blog.
I do have to admit that what I had originally planned to write in this blog was how I became a Conspiracy Theorist, but as I wrote and made small changes here and there, it became about the 3 Seeds. These 3 Seeds will eventually lead me into becoming a full blown “Tin Foil Hat” Conspiracy Theorist, but that will unfortunately be for the next blog.
It seems that the ‘Finding My Faith’ series of blogs will include more parts than I had originally thought and planned, so again, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and hopefully you will stick around to see what other weird and wonderful events happen in my life that lead me to where I am now.
God bless and see you in the next blog.
Mark
Really interesting! Excited for part 3...